Food jokes

What do you call a pineapple in a pun?

A Puneapple.

They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.

What do you call a lazy piece of meat?

A meatloaf.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?

Americans: I will cook the pizza.

Italians: I cooka de pizza!

COVID-19 is like pasta.

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?

A dictator.

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?

They're both white and flavorless.

If you are what you eat,

why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.