Food jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Memes
anyone here?
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?