Food jokes
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
Memes
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.