Food Jokes

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?

Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.

Pov: your Molten freddy from Five night's at Freddy's

The image is composed of three cropped segments that show a sculpture of a figure entirely made of spaghetti. The top left panel shows the figure in a seated position, and the text 'I ate too much spaghetti' is overlaid on the image. The top right panel shows a closer view of the spaghetti figure's face, revealing blue eyes. The bottom panel shows the same face as the panel above and includes the text 'Now I regretti', as well as a TikTok handle that reads '@08_nurik_08'.

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

Why is flour retarded?

Because it's in-bread.

Why can't Chinese play baseball?

Because they eat the bats.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.