Food jokes
What is the difference between artificial vanilla and Marjorie Taylor Greene's children?
Artificial vanilla comes from a beaver's asshole, the children from an asshole's beaver.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"
Do you like Wendy’s?
Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!
Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for buns!
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
What is fraud supposed to taste like?
Bananas and Rice.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
What kind of Panera Bread do fishers use?
Panera bait.
What's bad? A nut allergy.
What did the toaster say to the toast?
"I want you inside me."
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!