Food

Food jokes

Watermelon

They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!

Cow

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

Decalffeinated.

Banana

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Memes

Slag

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

  • 0
  • Onion

    What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

    One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

  • 2
  • Sandwich

    There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

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  • Rice

    Why was the asian late to class?

    His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.

    Mexican

    What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

    Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

    Santa

    I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

    Peanut Butter

    What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

    Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

    Orphan

    What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

    The apple gets picked.

    Grape

    Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

    Because she loves raisin kids.

    Pizza

    Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.

    People

    What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

    They don’t cook because they love eating out.

    Michael Jackson

    Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.