Food jokes

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

What part of a vegetable can you not eat?

The wheelchair.

Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!

What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.

I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.

How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.

I had a horse named Mayo, and sometimes Mayonnaise.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?

A Shawarmano Cameldo!

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because KFC was offering free seeds.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."

They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Graaaaiins.

What do you call a cut cucumber?

A guy with no legs.

I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...