Food jokes
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
What type of flour do orphans use?
- Self-raising.
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.