What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
