Food jokes
What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
Plain.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
Memes
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
I had a horse named Mayo, and sometimes Mayonnaise.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!