Food jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
I had a horse named Mayo, and sometimes Mayonnaise.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Memes
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
What do you call a boy Panera Bread?
Panera Balls.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.