Food jokes
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why are Asians so bad at baseball? ... Because they ate the bat!
The best snack
Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.
This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?
No Panera Bread.
Q: What's really long and black?
A: The line at KFC.
Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What do you call a nacho that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
What's a foot fetishist's favorite food? Hot dogs.
What flour do orphans use?
Self-raising flour.
The udder day I drank milk.
It was udderly delicious!
What kind of cheese protects castles?
MOAT-zerrela.
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?
Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.