Food jokes
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.