Food jokes

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.