Food jokes
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
Memes
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.