Food jokes
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?