Food jokes
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."