Food jokes
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
Memes
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.