Food jokes

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

Why was the asian late to class?

His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.

Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.