Food jokes
Why can't orphans have a large bag of crisps?
Because it's family size! 😂
How do you know a rapper is ready to cook?
He drops the beet.
Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.
Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
I would give you my crayons if you were really hungry.
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.
Eggs
You crack me up!
What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
It's chocolate chimp.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Why are apples and orphans the same?
They always get picked on.
Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.
He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.