Food jokes
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
Memes
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.
What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?
Mississippi Mud.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
Beans
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"