Food jokes
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
Your mama is so fat.
She went on a diet and solved world hunger!
What did the toaster say to the toast?
"I want you inside me."
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso!!! LOL XD XD XD
What do you say to an upset German?
Quit being such a sauerkraut!
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?
Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.