Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?
Mississippi Mud.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
Beans
