Food jokes
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.
What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?
Pooreos.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
Skidaddle skidoodle, your dick is now a noodle!
Why did the shark spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny!
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?
Because they ate all the bats.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.