Food jokes
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
Plain.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.