Food jokes

I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.

In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.

What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.

What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!

Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.

What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.

I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.

I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."

What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?

Scream cheese.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

I found Nemo.

He was tasty.

What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.

Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.

What did the salad say to pineapple?

"Lettuce be friends."

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr2, cakes are round.

I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.

Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.