Food jokes
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
Question: What do you call 8 apples?
Answer: The iPhone 8.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
What do you call a digital hamburger? Processed meat.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.
Why is the orange 🍊 the fastest fruit?
Because it never runs out of juice.