Food Jokes

Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."

Hansume cheetah e Cel Cheetos?

What kind of people love donuts in the morning? Cops, because they don't have anything else to do.

Why did Jake cross the road? To get a Hagen Daz bar.

"Suck my sugar, honey, it's very sweet and juicy."

A cat looks at a sandwich with text "One of these days, you will be mine."

I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

What do you eat out of?

- A bowl.

I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.

Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.

Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.

Yo mama so fat, she ate McDonald's!

What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?

Eating the wheelchair.

Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."