Food jokes
Oh, he needs some milk!
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a wank.
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
If I busted an egg on your head... The yolk would be on you... hahaha...
If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?
I don't want to taco about myself.
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?
A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.
Jesus is what he eats!
Shit!
I would have told you a cheesy pun, but it was too cheesy. *picks up cheeses*
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
What's the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What is a carrot's favorite shop?
The wheelchair store.
How do rappers like their pizza?
With extra bars and dough!
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!
What do you call a Panera Bread marking a test?
A Panera grade.
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.