Food jokes

Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

Answer: The table part.

What do you call a rapper who works in the bakery?

DOUGH-KNIGHT

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?

Why were the people in 911 devastated?

They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

Last last, now everybody go chop breakfast.

What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.

As an orphan, every bag of chips is family size.

Stephen Hawking is intelligent.

He is not as green as he is cabbage.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Only one of them gets picked...

Doctor: Congratulations!!!

Woman: Was it a successful delivery?

Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!

You are a fat pig.

poop i eat it for dinner i eat it at night yet it never comes out of me? how is that possibul?

pOOp

Did you hear about the famous pickle?

He was a big dill!

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Joy.

What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."

What type of candy does the most magic?

Twix!

Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!

Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!

You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.

You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.