Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.
Mrs. Kadie, I heard about this Mr. Beast video about veggie burgers. I hope that you didn't trick me again.
Mr. Beast: Today we're gonna be eating a hot tender burger.
Mrs. Kadie: OMG he didn't say vegan!
Viewers: HAHAHA we tricked you!
Mrs. Kadie: That's it Mr. Beast, we're gonna pour blood on your face!
Mr. Beast & Chandler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1!
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.
What's the fastest cake? Scone!
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
What is an obese lady's blood type?
Nutella.
What do people often say in a cold Mexican kitchen?
Brrrrrrito!
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?
You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
Why do fat people like food?
The more the merrier.
In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.
Why do Mexicans eat tacos?
Because they're border hoppers.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
