Food jokes
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.
Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.
Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
Yo mama so fat, she likes long, romantic walks to the refrigerator.
Yo mama so fat, she thought "RAW MEN" was "RAMEN."
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?
They both like oil.
What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.
Why did Sally's pizza get cold? Because she has no arms.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.