Food jokes

Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.

*Takes huge bite of air.*

Why do fat people like food?

The more the merrier.

Pineapple turnover.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

What’s Elon Musk Jr.'s favorite food?

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What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

"Orphans get picked."

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?

A Panera med.

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

A blind man went to a restaurant.

"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.

The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"

Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

Am I a guard or a guava?

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Orphans don't get picked.

Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?

Orbiter: "Or bitter?"

What did the frog order?

A diet Croak!