Food jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef!

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.

Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.

Beans and toast.

I like tacos more than you like tacos.

Who likes more tacos?

Mee! said the taco.

Why do people eat bananas? Because it's appealing!

Your mama is so fat.

She went on a diet and solved world hunger!

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?

They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.

Why do they call it Ovaltine?

The jar is round, the mug is round, they should call it Roundtine.

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.

What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?

They both eat from trash.

What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?

You better ketchup!

Ur mom.