Food jokes
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Why did Jake cross the road? To get a Hagen Daz bar.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentration camp."
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
I eat cockroaches.
For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
Why do the orphans eat their cereal with water?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What did the fork say to the cake?
A: "I want a piece of you!"
It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."
Now it's time to make fun of Asians.
What do you call an Asian eating jelly? Yellow Jell-O.