Food jokes
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
Memes
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
Blue Takis?
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball? Because they already ate the bat!
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
I like Cheetos.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.