Food jokes

I’ve seen more life in a bowl of WEEK-OLD GUACAMOLE than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.

Why don't rappers ever become chefs?

Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he wanted to drop some HOT PLATES.

What did the rapper say at the bakery?

"I need ALL the dough you got!"

How do you know a rapper is ready to cook?

He drops the beet.

How do rappers like their steaks?

With lots of SIZZLE!

Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?

A. The Jello has a higher IQ.

Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,

Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"

The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."

Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.

Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.

How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.

How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.

The waiter said, "What's that?"

I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."

What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

Why did the skeleton eat tacos?

Because he was hungry.

What do women and peanut butter have in common?

They're both easy to spread.

Juice WRLD farts smell like McDonalds.

Does chocolate milk come from black cows?

Would you rather eat a brick or a matter baby?