Food jokes
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
Chicken
Yo mama so fat... she brought a spoon... to the SUPER BOOOOOOWL! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.
You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)
Never mind. You won't understand.
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
What's bad? A nut allergy.
What's the most delicious city in the world? Hamburg.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.