Food jokes
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
What kind of pizza did the Twin Towers order?
Nothing, it was just plane.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
What do you call an infant with no legs?
Ground beef.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?
Never mind. It’s too cheesy!
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"
Get it?
Why did Leah throw the butter out of the window? To see a butterfly!
My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
Am I a guard or a guava?
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
What do you call a pig doing a karate chop?