Food jokes
Q) What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
A) About 400 calories.
What do you call an alligator that likes donuts? A donutator!
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What did the toaster say to the bread?
"I want you inside me!"
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
Why does an orphan hate apples? Because they get picked on more.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
What is Beethoven's favorite vegetable?
Beets.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel.
Humor is like food, not everybody gets it.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
What do you call a potato with a pp?
A dictator.
What's the sun's favorite chocolate? Mars bar.