Food Jokes

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."

What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!

Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?

It was family friendly.

I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”

Don't squint your eyes

A wooden cutting board with two large pieces of steak, one cooked and one raw, plus many sliced pieces of cooked steak.

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Where do the Borg eat fast food?

Borger King.

Hahaha. These eggs surely crack me up!

While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

How do you eat a meat?

You steak it in your mouth.

Fruit is like ex-wives.

They both look really good hanging from a tree.

Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

The ketchup told a joke. No one was laughing, but the egg was cracking up!

What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?

Panera Sed!