Food jokes

What did Jim say to Jeff?

"I killed your ham."

The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?

Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.

What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?

A can o' bull.

Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?

Good food, but no atmosphere.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!

I named my dog Chicken.

I love eating chicken.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

Why did the cow lick your mum?

Because she had a cream pie.

Why am I gay?

Because I like mushrooms.

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite lunch? Eggs and shoulders.

What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?

A dumpling.

What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?

Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.

Oh wait, I am.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?

A dead baby can't feed a family.

I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.