Food jokes
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?
Panera Red.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
Cheese.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.