Food jokes
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!
My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
Waiter: Can I have your order?
Me: No, it’s mine!
Why can’t an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because it was family size.
I bought a horse and named him Mayo.
Sometimes Mayo neighs.
What's a ghost's favorite food?
I like some boo-ritos!
Why can't orphans have chips? Because it's family size.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
What did the blond say about the new iPhone?
Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.