Food jokes
What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane?
Plane pizza.
Why were the Twin Towers so mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but instead they got plain!
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.
Yo mama so fat, her blood type is mayonnaise.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
What do you call a stabbed pig?
Porkchopped.
What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?
Pork Chopped!
Hah, got 'em (I guess)!
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
What dessert do you get on September 11th?
An ice cream flight!
What kind of people love donuts in the morning? Cops, because they don't have anything else to do.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Are you chicken me????!!!!
Wanna hear a pizza joke?
Ah, never mind, it's too cheesy.
Period blood is like KFC, because it's finger-licking good!
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
What's a rapper's favorite candy?
Mike and Ikes.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.