Food jokes
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
There is a twist with being an orphan: every bag of chips is family sized.
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
me eating with my famliy
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Spice
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.