Food jokes
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!
What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?
Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lactose!
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
I find bananas very appeeling.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
Why did Jake cross the road? To get a Hagen Daz bar.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Question: What do you call 8 apples?
Answer: The iPhone 8.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"