Food jokes
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
I don't want to taco about myself.
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
You know why seven ate nine? Because 7, 8, 9.
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
I knead bread.
I have breakfast with my boys.
I told a cookie a joke the other day.
It just crumbled.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.
Kid: You hop to.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.