It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
