Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
I dare you to smile like a donut. Did you do it?
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
If 2 vegans are arguing is it still considered beef?
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What is Spiderman's favorite rice?
Uncle Ben's.
I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.
Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.
