Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
Food Jokes
What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
"Dinner's on me."
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken!
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
Why did the egg hide?
Because it was a little chicken!
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
