Fire jokes

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.

I usually don't make 9/11 jokes, but they just are fire.

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

What do you call a bald person on fire?

A fried egg.

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.

That is just plain wrong.

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.