Fire Jokes

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

What do you call a bald person on fire?

A fried egg.

The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.

That is just plain wrong.

Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:

"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."

Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"

The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"