New Finish Jokes - Page 4 - Worst Jokes Ever

Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?

Work came to a grinding halt.

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

EXPERIMENT SUCCESSFUL 😱😱 Scientists have created an element named Pessomium 😳😳

Characteristics: - Highly reactive only in Bolivia and Panama 😡🤬 - Turns invisible when in Brazil or Uruguay 🥵🤧 - Finished 😹🤕 - 0 protons 0 electrons 0 goals 0 assists 7 debuts 🥶

Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

OFFICIAL

Pionnel Pessi's tracklist leaked!

1. Neymar gave me a career. 2. Lewandowski finished me. 3. 8-2 4. I own Elche. 5. I am a fraud (ft. Pyllian Mpappe) 6. 10m 7. I fled La Liga 8. Want to be Ronaldo. 9. Long live Bolivia. 10. Wind man

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a fruit joke.

Little Johnny was finishing up his homework when the teacher gave him an assignment for the day. The instructions were simple: compare two objects; we will work on contrast next week.

There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:

Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.

Devil: Did she just twitch?

Angel: No. She didn’t twitch.

Devil: I think I saw her finger twitch.

Angel: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.

Devil: She wants to scratch her face.

Angel: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.

Devil: But her cheek has an itchy spot.

Angel: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.

Devil: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...

Angel: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...

Devil: How about a song?

Angel: Good idea!

Devil: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶

Angel: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!

Devil: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....

Angel: Don’t be so mean!

Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

Angel: Stop it!

Devil: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!

Angel: No, she didn’t.

Devil: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....

Angel: She didn’t screw anything up!

Devil: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!

Angel: That’s not how it works...

Devil: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.

Angel: They know what they are doing!

Devil: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.

Angel: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...

Devil: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.

Angel: Stop this right now!!

Devil: “Never going to give you up....🎶”

Angel: Stop!

Devil: “...never going let you down....🎶”

Angel: I’m not going to let you...

Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?

Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

Don't Touch My Truck-By: Breland and Sam Hunt

You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my V8 engine with the windows tinted Boy, we came from the bottom, got it out the mud Whole block jumpin' 'cause the subs stay hittin'. If they roll up on me, know I keep one tucked (ooh, yeah) Woo Tell them boys come and get me. I be ridin' through the city. Young, rich and I'm pretty. Homie, don't get it twisted. Keep a semi in the hemi (oh) Red cup full of Henny. My hitters come in plenties, for real. You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my Wood grain dash with the matte black finish And it match my shawty with the big ol' butt. Know them boys soft 'cause they got hard feelings. You can try me if you wanna go and test your luck (woo) Tell them boys come and get me (get me) I be ridin' through the city. Young, rich and I'm pretty (yeah) Homie, don't get it twisted (yeah) Keep a semi in the hemi (in the hemi) Red cup full of Henny (yeah, we drinking) My hitters come in plenties, for real. You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my Woo, ooh, woo, ooh, woo, ooh Don't touch my truck (woo, ooh) Don't touch my truck