im not suicidal im just speedrunning life
you call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
After 40 years Kobe finally learned to pass.
Im not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1....2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, "well i saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples"
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb? 5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake but it ended up fulfilling the 5 year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
I got an xbox achievement the other day. It said trash master, and everyone looked at me at the funeral
What the difference between Hitler and Usain bolt?
One actually finished a race
2,996 kill streak boom
Why am I so successful,?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option..
What record did Obama proved during his presidency No matter how far a brotha gets in life he’ll still be in government housing
What is better than a paralympic gold medal?? Walking😂😂😂
What's Africas greatest sporting achievement? The 2018 world cup...
Why did the African win the food eating contest. Begginers luck.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sort of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention. Next day the kid went to the state tower, and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dads asks his son for a second time: " Son! why are you doing this?" the son replies: "You told me to aim up high".
If you start at a bait shop you're an amateur baiter but once you achieve the highest level you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on shrimp boat
