There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
I have a really good construction joke but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it
How can you tell if google is a girl? It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence
I was in a maze and I got the end and thay congratulated me I said that was a-maze-ing
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
I've done a ton of work today A SKELE-Ton of work
I would tell a scoliosis joke
but that would be completely out of line
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
flat earthers are completely wrong, if the earth was flat I would have yoted myself of the edge, years ago!
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying
"Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?? He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless untill you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
when i saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, i told him to censor that a-hole. when i saw the completed product, he censored me. then i killed him.
