Finance jokes

What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?

They both charge.

Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?

Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!

My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds.

I want to see you wiggle wiggle, for sure.

My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

When the card declines on child insurance.

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

What has a head, a tail, but no body?

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.

This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)

What is it called when young sheep bet?

LAMbling.

(haven't uploaded yesterday cuz couldn't think of a joke)

If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,

I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.

Was he under insurance claim?

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

Why did the rapper go broke?

He kept dropping dimes.

Why did the rapper become a mathematician?

To count his STACKS of CASH.

"BlessedBrian must be a bank loan... because he has NO INTEREST."