If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
Finance Jokes
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
You're so poor that homeless people feel sorry for you.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
Which nut is worth the most? A cashew.
Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake
What do you call an emo hosting a charity event?
Fund razor.
