Finance jokes
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
Your teeth are sponsored by gap.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some cash withdrawals.
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
The orphan had to earn money because he/she didn't have parents to give him/her an allowance.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
I'm so poor that they let me buy the entire store! For $0...
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."