How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
What did the bank say to the person?
Bank you very much.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
The bank said go to the river bank. Oh, oh, oh, good fishy joke!
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
Na only this guy I know say him trouser fat pass his bank account. 😹😹😹
That's if you even have an account. 😹😹💔😹💔💔😹😹
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?
Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!
So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.
