Finance jokes
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
So you're saying a penny is worth more than a penny?
That don't make no cents.
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
How to get free robux: buy robux to make a game to get more robux.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
Na only this guy I know say him trouser fat pass his bank account. 😹😹😹
That's if you even have an account. 😹😹💔😹💔💔😹😹
Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!
I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.
Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?
They both charge.