Fight jokes
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
Why does God hate me?
Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?
Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
You want a pizza from me!!!!
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.