Felt Jokes

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

So True

The image shows a text exchange with the line "14 year old girl: OMG Billy Eilish's songs are so sad! Me: they really aren't tho. Her: you've never felt true sadness from anything in your life! Me:". Below, characters from the video game "Hollow Knight" are depicted burying the dead, which is intended to show real sadness.

Her chest was so flat, I felt gay while hugging her.

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandpa is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandma is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!

Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!

Survives until tomorrow.

Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*

Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!

(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.