Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
What did the chicken say to the turkey?
Nothing, he chickened out!
Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because it did not have the guts.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
