Family jokes
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.
What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What is an orphan's least favorite store?
Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."
When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."
Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"
Son:...... um
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.
I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
Your mum!