Family jokes
Carys’s mum has chemo.
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
I had a dad.
How do orphan jokes start?
Checking your shoulder.
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.
Cousin: Hey, is that an octopus?
Me: Yes, what, it is just an octopus.
Cousin: Oh yeah, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Octopus touch me!
Me: What, it is just one..... ummmmm dad cousin d[id].
Ok, here's a story about the church.
There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
Yo mama so fat, she died!
Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.
Also me: Are you okay?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?
Me: Because you have no family.
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"