Family jokes

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣

What show do orphans never watch?

"Fuller House."

Why can't orphans play Monopoly?

Because they never get a full house.

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈

Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.

Why does this website have a home page? It's an orphan joke waiting to happen.

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.

My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

Ur mom gay, lol.

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?

Fatherless.

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What do you call your dad?

You don't. Hahahahaha!