Family jokes

Your mum!

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

Why is it okay to hit orphans?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."

Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.

Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.

If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.

One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.

My dad is a pussy.

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

Female Rights?

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

How did the digital clock show off to its mother?

Look, Ma, no hands!

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

What is a cow on two legs?

Yo mama!

Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

Orphan: Parent signature: ___________

From your Dad.

I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."