Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their way home.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel actually has family.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they can't put a house.
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
My dad is unlucky.
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
Yo mama so dumb, she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I have the power."
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find a home.
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Dad fucked Mom.
Mom fucked son.
Son fucked sister.
Sister fucked dog.
Dog fucked cat.
Cat fucked bird.
Bird fucked fish.
Fish fucked Dad.
Dad really liked it!
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.