Family jokes
Why was the orphan confused at the baseball game?
They kept yelling, "Go home!"
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.
So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?
A: My sister.
Why do people adopt orphans?
They get cash.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
Why do orphans go to public schools?
Who's going to homeschool them?
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
What's the one upside to being an orphan?
You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.