Family jokes

What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.

What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.

Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂

Have you seen my uncle?

Jesus: I have.

God: Me too.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Orphan.

Orphan who?

Orphan who needs a parent!

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They can't find home.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they have no home to run to!

Why can't orphans have a computer?

They don't have a home page.

Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?

Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.

Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.

Your mom.

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.

Kid: So what? At least they love me more.

Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!

My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.

What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!

Why can't orphans call their friends?

Because they don't have a home phone!

Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.