Family jokes

I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.

Why can't my grandma talk?

Because she's dead.

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

Hi, son.

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.

I feel wrong. What does this make us?

Still cousins.

I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Beans, your mum is fat!

Why did the orphan get kicked out of baseball?

They couldn't hit home base.

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

Yo mama so hairy, you got carpet burn when you were born.

Yo mama is so stupid, she had to retake preschool 20 times!

Why can't an orphan go on away games?

Their parent will never show up!

Why can't orphans play baseball? They ain't got no home to run to.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sister.

Sister who?

My sister's ass.

Your mom gay.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

You can't give an orphan homework.