Family jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
The apples get picked.
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.
Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
I made an orphan's website, but there was no homepage--because they don't have a home.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they don't have homes to run to.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Wait, they don't have any.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home base.
Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
Why do orphans eat their cereal with water?
Their dad never came with the milk.
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.
L
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?
So they can be connected.
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?
Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"
I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."