Family jokes

Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

Why don't orphans like pizza? Because they don't have parents, that's why.

Why did the smart orphan lose the tech competition?

The motherboard was nowhere to be found.

A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.

What do you say to someone's mom?

"You mom gay."

Yo mama so fat, she died!

Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.

Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.

Also me: Are you okay?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?

Me: Because you have no family.

My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

Carys’s mum has chemo.

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

My mom is gay.

What do you expect when you get out of a bar?

Your mom naked LOLOLOLOL.

Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.