Family jokes
Why can an orphan not have homework? They do not have a home.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Why could the orphan never be gay?
Because he had nobody to call "daddy."
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?
Because they want to feel wanted.
Max Alexander Heart is adopted.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
No one misses them.