Family jokes
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"
He started crying.
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?
The second-hand book was loved once.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
Why did the orphan live at school?
Because on the first day his parents didn’t pick him up.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.
Your mom is a mom!
Your family in a nutshell.
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
Your mom is so fat, that burger.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What's a bonus of being an orphan?
You can't get homework.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.