Family jokes
If BLESSEDBRIAN were any more inbred, he’d be a SANDWICH.
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
Your momma!
Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.
Not so great way to find out you are adopted.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find his parents.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
Who are you?
Oh, I'm an orphan!
Oh... bye! :/
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
Why was the kid sad?
He was adopted.
I adopted you. Now say goodbye, you missed your Spanish lesson...
Why couldn't the orphan use his iPhone 6?
He couldn't find the home button.