Family jokes
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
Why can't orphan kids play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
If I adopt a child, is it mine?
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳
It’s so cold make it stop
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
They never reached home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home base.
Why can't orphans play cricket? Because they can't find home.
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
Why can’t an orphan hit a home run? Because he doesn’t have a home.
Why do orphans have to be homeschooled?
Because they can't be home schooled.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Your momma!
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Why do orphans miss half their basketball games? Cause they don't have home games.
Why can’t orphans have a computer?
Because they don’t have a home page.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.