Family jokes
What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
Girl: Rip, mother, I love you.
Me: Sorry for your loss.
Girl: Stop, I have a boyfriend.
Me: Stop, I have a mother.
My great-great-great grandpa killed Hitler.
Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.
AKA, you're up for adoption.
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
Why does the orphan not buy milk?
That's what their parents are doing.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."