Family

Family jokes

Shit

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

Mama

Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

Orphan

Why do orphans like the movie Home Alone?

Because they're home alone themselves!

Memes

Haircut

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

Kiss

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

Sister

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

Wife

What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?

Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.

Grade

When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.

Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.

Kid

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

Orphan

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.