Family jokes
If I adopt a child, is it mine?
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Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
They never reached home.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.
Not so great way to find out you are adopted.
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
He was a head of his class... Mom always says, "Stay ahead!"
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never find home.
Orphan: I want to kill my parents.
Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is!
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
Why can’t an orphan hit a home run? Because he doesn’t have a home.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
Your momma!
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."