Family jokes

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "daddy."

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.

Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!

Why do orphans go to public schools?

Who's going to homeschool them?

Your mum has balls.

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?

About 15 stone.

Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.

I love working at an orphanage.

Ha, orphans are soooooo funny. I mean, they have many family stories. Oh wait...

Me: Knock knock.

My sister: Who's there?

Me: I eat mop.

My sister: I eat mop who?

My mind: I eat my poo.

My sister getting it.