Family jokes

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!

Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?

A normal kid has a family.

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.

Everyone at the barbecue...

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.