Family jokes
"Hey Modda, I'm hungry."
Q: Why are orphans bad at baseball?
A: They can’t find home.
Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
Ur mom gay.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
What is the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?