Family jokes
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Well we learned our lesson don't make a baby mad...
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?
They can't see each other anymore.
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
The orphan wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"