Family jokes
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
What is the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.
Ha, orphans are soooooo funny. I mean, they have many family stories. Oh wait...
Me: Knock knock.
My sister: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
My sister: I eat mop who?
My mind: I eat my poo.
My sister getting it.
Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
What is an orphan’s favorite game? Adopt me.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬